So, we've made it through the first book, and now we're starting to get into the books with plot. This is one of my favourite books in the series, but before we start, I'm going to recap what happened in the last book.
Baudelaire parents died
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny living with Count Olaf
Olaf is a jerk who wants the kids money
He tried to marry Violet, and now the kids need a new home because he's crazy
and now for
The Reptile Room
Chapter 1
So, here we are. Violet, Klaus and Sunny are driving to their new home with Mr. Poe. They're driving along Lousy Lane, a road between a very muddy river and a horseradish factory. The horseradish stinks up the whole area, but the kids aren't living in the horseradish factory, although I wouldn't be surprised if they were, They're going to live with Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, their father (their dad that's dead, their father is dead... they have a dead father)'s cousin's wife's brother. His first name
and last name are the same because his parents have either a horrible or a great sense of humour, depending on how you see it.
They pull up to what is a nice house. But the best part is the garden which is full of topiary hedges shaped like snakes because Dr. Montgomery is a HERPETOLOGIST! So he has a ton of snakes in his house but shut up because we aren't supposed to know that yet.
The kids are creeped out by the snakes, which is stupid because they must be AWESOME.
I was going to put a picture of snake topiary here but I found this instead.
They ring the doorbell, and Uncle Monty (that's what we call Dr. Montgomery) answers!! Yay!!! Also he made cake!!
Chapter 2
Everyone gathers around to eat some yummy coconut cream cake, except Poe because he's already too fat and Sunny because she doesn't like soft food, which Monty notices and says is weird for babies, but not for snakes!!! He tells us about a kind of snake that eats it's own mouth and then he gives Sunny a carrot.
Monty explains that he is a Snake studier, and tells the kids that when he goes around the world looking for snakes, he is going to bring the kids along with him!!!! PACK YOUR BAGS KIDS, WE'RE GOING TO PERU IN TEN DAYS!!!!!
If you haven't picked up by now, I really like Uncle Monty and will be putting a lot of exclamation points in his sections. Anyway, Monty's assistant Gustav mysterious quit a few days ago, but not to worry because he hired a new guy named Stephano starting next week.
But oh no, Monty isn't ready for Peru yet!! he still needs someone to check the traps are working, read about peru, and cut up some rope! Whatever shall he do? Conveniently, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny would be perfect for those jobs!! Poe leaves, and the kids get to see the reptile room!!!
Monty starts calling the kids Bambini, which is italian for children as we all know, because he felt like speaking Italian, just for kicks. Then he says he hopes Olaf gets torn up by wild animals because it would be satisfying. This is why I like Monty. That and his snakes!!
The kids are now in the reptile room, examining the snakes of all kinds all over the room. It's a huge room with glass walls and floor, and hundreds of reptiles, like a toad with wings and a snake with three mouths. At the end of the room are huge bookshelves taking up the whole back wall.
"Starting first thing tomorrow morning, all of you must be in here every day in preparation for the expedition to Peru. I will clear one of these tables for you, Violet, to work on traps. Klaus, I expect you to read all the books on Peru I have and take careful notes. And Sunny can sit on the floor and bite rope. We will work all day until suppertime, and after that we will go to the movies."
This is why I love Uncle Monty.
The kids are about to go and pick rooms, when Klaus asks what is in the cage under the cloth. Monty pulls off the cloth with a flourish to reveal a new snake Monty had discovered, never seen before. Monty calls it the Incredibly Deadly Viper. The IDV unhooks his cage door just like that and bites Sunny.
Chapter 3
Chapter 3 starts with a foray into the life of Snicket. He is going to a party, hosted by his firend, Madame diLustro. Unfortunately, that's all we learn, but then it's back to the Incredible Deadly Viper on Sunny's chin.
Snicket tells us straight up that Sunny doesn't die, but Monty will, just not yet. This is all very sad because Monty is cool.
Anyway, Monty has an awesome sense of humour, because the other two start freaking out about the snake biting their baby sister, and he just goes "Oh yeah, BTW it's actually not poisonous, and it's really friendly. I just named it that for kicks."
Sunny bites it back and I mentally high five Uncle Monty.
You see, everyone at the snake convention makes fun of Monty's name, so this year he'll present the new specimen, 'accidently' let it escape, and then laugh as everyone freaks out. This is why I love Monty.
He tells us he DOES have some dangerous snakes, like the snakes that drive so recklessly they wouldn't even apologize after running you over. But they're all locked up tight.
Snicket tells us about dramatic irony, using the example that if you loudly said "I can't wait to eat the meal I ordered" and everyone around knew that the meal was poisoned except for you, it would be dramatic irony. Monty had dramatic irony now, saying that if you know what you're doing, no harm will come to you in the reptile room. So now, as Monty says this, we should have a feeling like we were in bed and the cupboard door creaked open.... to reveal that a person was hiding in there. Snicket will give me nightmares, I swear.
Anyway, he says once again the Monty will die soon and I'm sad.
So everyone has their own bedrooms and are happy, and Sunny gets to play with the IDV all the time.
Monty tells them about all kinds of reptiles, my favourite of which is the toad that imitates what people say in a gravelly voice, since it reminds be of a certain toy...
Also they aren't allowed to let Virginian Wolfsnakes near typewriters. I wish they would.
One morning, Uncle Monty is out buying fireproof canoes because he's awesome, and leaves a note saying Stephano, the assitant we all remember, will be arriving today. Everyone hopes that the assistant will be nice like Monty, but when he shows up, it turns out to be... COUNT OLAF DRESSED AS A NEW ASSISTANT WITH A BEARD AND NO EYEBROWS!!!
And that is where the chapter ends.
Since the chapters are getting easier to blog and the plot has finally appeared, I'm going to post two parts in one day, perhaps even three if I decide to.
Chapter 10
So Sunny is dangling from a window, Violet is getting married, and Klaus is stupid, but maybe, just maybe, we have a way to get out of the first and therefore second situation because Violet is inventing.
It's night, and this time Klaus is asleeping while Violet is inventing. Manlady is guarding the door to Sunny's room.
Violet has an idea. She uses the wire holding up a painting, a curtain rod, and a bunch of ugly clothes to build... A GRAPPLING HOOK!!!
Violet goes outside with her grappling hook and prepares to climb and save Sunny. Trying to throw the hook into the window, she cuts her arm open. In the end, the manages to hook it on something and scales the side of the tower. She makes it up to where Sunny is, and discovers that the grappling hook and hooked onto the hook of Hookhands.
Chapter 11
Maybe some of you were hoping that at this point Hookhands reveals himself to be good and aids Violet and Sunny's escape. You would be wrong. Violet is forced to sit down and takes a look around Olaf's room.
At this point, we first get a hint at the narrator (Lemony Snicket) 's life, which is a very interesting subplot. I'm going to signal his parts by writing in purple. Anyway, we don't learn much, but we first learn about Snicket's acquaintance, Beatrice. All we learn is that there is an old photo of her in Snicket's room.
In Olaf's room, there are a ton more of the eye pictures, wine bottles, and other gross stuff. Hookhands calls Olaf on a walkie talkie and is told to go and get Klaus.
When all the kids are here, Hookhands leaves and locks them in. Violet sets to work trying to invent an escape, and Klaus reads all of Olaf's stuff. They don't come up with any plans, and Olaf arrives to collect them and threaten Sunny again. If anything doesn't go according to plan, she'll be dropped to her death.
Everyone is sad until Violet starts thinking about hands....
Chapter 12
It's the play, and Violet and Klaus are being forced into costumes and preparing to perform. They see Justice and try to convince her to change up the lines a bit, but she shoots them down and goes to get makeup done.
Bald man once again threatens Sunny, and everyone gets ready to perform.
Mr. Poe comes to wish them good luck, but the children can't do anything because Sunny is still in the tower.
The play begins, and there's nothing anyone can do now. Justice reads from her law book, Olaf and Violet say I do, and then Violet signed the wedding contract with her left hand.
Chapter 13
Suddenly, Olaf stops the play and announces to everyone in the audience that he and Violet are now legally married and he gets control of the fortune.
Everyone is upset, including Poe and Justice Strauss.
Olaf orders Sunny be brought to the theatre and everyone is upset that Olaf gets the fortune. Baldy reminds Klaus that Olaf is going to kill him now that he has the fortune. Everyone is crying and confused, except Violet, who now speaks up.
Apparently, in a surprise twist of ridiculousness, Violet signed the document with her LEFT HAND. And she's RIGHT HANDED!! LOL. Therefore, due to the wording of the law, Violet is somehow not married...
Olaf see the flaw in this stupid logic and says that they are, in fact, married. Justice, however, says they aren't because it wasn't the brides own hand. Apparently, Violet's left hand is not hers. Snicket addresses this stupid sounding plot whole by saying that laws are weird like that, for example to one which prevents him from coming within 5 miles of a town near where you live.
With the first stupid resolution of many, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, who has now arrived at the theatre, are taken by Poe who had finally decided Olaf is unfit to raise them, and he is under arrest for dangling Sunny out a window. Justice announces that SHE will take the children in.
BUT since this series is not over yet, the lights go off suddenly. When they come back on, Olaf has escaped (but not before once more threatening to get his hands on the fortune).
Everyone is happy and about to go and live with Justice Strauss, but Poe says "Oh hell no! Yo parents says you has to be adopted by a relative!"
So Poe once again takes them home to his house until he can find a relative for them to live with, which makes the kids sad.
Chapter 7
Chapter 7 picks up with the children searching Justice Strauss's library for books on inheritance law. Unfortunately of everyone, Justice Strauss doesn't think they should be reading law books. Wip!: I'd much rather help with the gardening instead of watch my siblings struggle through law books.
Cries Sunny. So Justice takes Sunny downstairs to work in the garden and Violet and Klaus continue to read about inheritance law.
They lose any hope they had that Justice would help them because she is clearly excited to be in the play and oblivious to their complaints.
Violet gets bored because reading about law is boring, and says that maybe Olaf isn't up to anything. The kids will soon learn that Olaf is always up to something, but Violet goes to help in the garden anyway, leaving Klaus all alone reading about inheritance law.
SUDDENLY, MR. HOOKHANDS APPEARS!! HE SAYS KLAUS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED BACK IN THE LIBRARY UNTIL AFTER THE PERFORMANCE AND MAKES EVERYONE GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for the capitals there, I just wanted to add a bit of excitement.
But I didn't need to, bnecause Mr. Hookhands is threatening Klaus!! He says Olf is only keeping them alive until he finds a way to get their money, and then DEATH. Not in those exact words, but it's implied.
Klaus thinks quickly when Hookhands goes to get the other two from the garden, and hides a book under his shirt to smuggle out, hoping it will save their lives.
Chapter 8
We all remember when Klaus stole that book, right? Well he spent all night reading it, even though it was boring. We hadn't even told his sisters about it because they might get false hope.
After a long night of reading, Klaus had actually achieved something. He' marked a bunch of passages in the book and knew everything he needed to know, so he goes to wait for Olaf in the kitchen, which doesn't seem like a smart plan because Olaf is likely to do something to him and then he won't be able to save his sisters.
Olaf is interested in this book about marriage Klaus has read. Stupid Klaus. He reveals to Olaf that he knows his plan. For a marriage to be legally binding, the bride and groom must both say 'I do', as well as "the signing of an explanatory document in the brides own hand". Lucky there won't be a judge present in the play, only Justice Strau... Oh no! This means when Violet performs the play, she'll ACTUALLY marry Olaf and he'll get all the money! And then KILL THEM!!!!
Olaf says "she ain't old 'nuff to get married, fool!"
Klaus says "oh yes she is! Ya'll give her permission and ya'll'll be married ya'll!"
Maybe I'm paraphrasing though. Anyway, once the two are married Olad will have control of the Baudelaire fortune. Klaus tells Olaf that he's going to show it to Poe, but since Olaf is not a COMPLETE MORON like Klaus, he secretly makes a new plan and goes and sends Klaus to wake up Violet and Sunny. Klaus does and tells them of Olaf's plan. Except he only woke up Violet because SUNNY IS MISSING!!!!!!
And then Olaf is in the doorway, laughing his Maniacal laugh.
Chapter 9
Violet accuses Olaf of stealing Sunny which we know he did, and he invites them to the back yard. Once down there, we discover SUNNY INSIDE A BIRDCAGE HANGING FROM THE FORBIDDEN TOWER WE ALL REMEMBER OLAF HAS!!
NOT ONLY THAT, BUT HER MOUTH IS TAPED AND SHE'S TIED UP WITH ROPE, SO SHE CAN'T ESCAPE, which a two year old (I'm assuming that's how old she is) could definitely do from a locked bird cage dangling about 3 stories above the ground, if only she could use her hands! Darn.
Olaf says sure he'll let her go... but that will involve her falling 30 feet. Oh Olaf and his silly disciplinary tactics. Good thing he's their father, or that would be totally inappropriate.
Olaf says he'll let her down... if Violet marries him. Now, I'm no expert on marriage like Klaus, but shouldn't there be a law against incestuous marriage? Olaf is legally Violet's father, he shouldn'y be able to marry her... but anyway, Olaf proposes to Violet and she is forced to accept for her sister's sake. Olaf confiscate the marriage book, and Klaus notices Violet staring up at the tower with her inventing ribbon on.
Chapter 4
When we last left the Baudelaires, Evil Count Olaf was forcing them to make dinner, and they had decided on puttanesca sauce. They buy ingredients and address the Tomato: Fruit of Vegetable? controversy.
They leave Justice Strauss, intending to go back tomorrow and borrow some books, and return home to make their sauce. Since this is a series of UNfortunate events, it is safe to assume that they probably won't be returning to her house tomorrow because there will undoubtedly be some kind of problem with the spaghetti. I no longer remember the plot of these books so I'm just as anxious as you.
Things appear to be looking up for the kids as they reminisce about their dead parents and cook sauce for their abusive guardian, but such a happy scene can't last long in this series.
Olaf comes home and calls for them. "Orphans!!" he call, because that's how he address's them. It's unclear at this point whether he still calls them Orphan when addressing them individually, perhaps also including numbers so a to distinguish who's who. It can get confusing when everyone has the same name, as Kirk from Gilmore Girls can tell you. There was a fair bit of confusion after he named his cat after himself.
Anyway, Olaf comes home and starts complaining because he wanted them to cook roast beef. The kids complain right back because he didn't ask them to cook roast beef. Olaf yells at them because dammit, he took in these children and they should be grateful enough to read his mind. He picks up Sunny and for some reason holds her really high in the air, and then his theatre troop come in to begin making a ruckus. In the troop, there is:
A bald man
two women with lots of white makeup
A man with two hooks instead of hands
A fat person of indistinguishable gender
And then more behind that we don't meet because they aren't important. Everyone says that the kids are stupid and Olaf should discipline them.
Revulsion: an unpleasent mixture of horror and disgust
is what Violet feels towards Olaf. They serve the food and Violet wishes she could poison Olaf.
The troop gets drunk and starts leaving. Klaus complains to Olaf about only having one bed and Olaf smacks Klaus to the floor for being a brat.
the troop all laugh and leave, and the kids begin crying. On that lovely note, the chapter ends.
Chapter 5
Violet and Klaus chop wood and discuss the benefits of living on the streets. They could go to Doldrum street, I'm sure someone would take them in there. They could learn to be bikers or horse trainers and everything would be happy. But instead, they decide to go and see Mr. Poe.
They tell Poe all about their situation, but since these are not our times, what with all this domestic abuse awareness, Poe decides that they just need to adjust to living with Olaf, and that beating is just a little bit of discipline that Olaf is justified in making. Good ol' Poe.
Th kdis borrow some books from justice and that's really all that happens in this chapter.
Chapter 6
In the morning, Olaf is home and made raspberry oatmeal, so we know something is up because raspberries are gross. Something IS up, and it's that Olaf knows they went to see Poe.
They though their visit was in confidence: kept in secret between Poe and themselves and not blabbed to Count Olaf, but alas, they should know that everything they do will come back to haunt them.
Olaf says he wants to better welcome the children into his family, so he wants them to be in his next play, to make up for being standoffish: Which means "someone who is reluctant to associate with others", NOT "someone who provides one bead for three people to sleep in, makes them to horrible chores and strikes them across the face".
He wants them to join him in performing the marvelous marriage, with Violet as the main female lead, acting opposite Olaf himself in the main role, and Klaus and Sunny will be playing midgets attending the wedding in which Violet marries Olaf. Justice Strauss will be playing the judge who marries them in an act of neighbourly affection. Violet doesn't want to do it, but Olaf insists and she has no choice because she has to go along with his form of parenting.
The kids are sure Olaf is up to something, but they haven't read ahead so they don't know what, just that it probably has something to with getting their money. Instead, they settle for going to Justice Strauss' library to read about inheritance law, and I settle for not reading the next chapter because I can't be bothered.
Before I start anything, I should address the issue of what this blog actually is.
Now, when I was a young child going to primary school, I loved reading the Series of Unfortunate Events. I read the whole thing and loved it. Saw the movie, have the game based on the movie, everything. Then I finished the series and totally forgot about it.
Until now. Years later, while conversing with a good friend of mine who had also once enjoyed the series, we realized that neither of us could really remember any of it making sense, or if any of the plotlines were ever resolved. So I decided I would re-read the series and explain it all to her. And now, here we are. I'm aware that the series is aimed at a much younger age group then bored 16-17 year olds, but the convoluted plots can be enjoyably confusing to all. If you haven't read the series, you can still read these because I will be explaining everything on here so as to better understand the plot.
I decided my explanation should take the form of a blog after reading and greatly enjoying a blog doing the same thing which I am doing now about the Twilight series, which was a hilarious read (The blog, not the books), as well as by my other good friend Leslie, who also writes a blog. So I don't know quite how well this is going to work. There are 13 books in the series, and there are 13 chapters in each book. The books are too long to do the whole thing in one post, but the chapters are too short to go one at a time, so I'm going to blog them each in 4 parts, starting, obviously, at the beginning.
The Bad Beginning
This is my beautiful book. It includes the first 3 books in the series, and it what I shall be reading from for these first blogs. It is 214 pages of ridiculously large print. But of course, right now I only need to worry about the first 162 pages.
Chapter 1
Of course, like all good books, the author, Lemony Snicket, begins by telling us that this is a horrible series and to not read it ever because everyone dies, or something to that effect.
He introduces us our protagonists, Violet, Klaus and Sunny, at the beach one morning. First thing we learn is that their lives suck, second thing is that they like to go to the beach on rainy days. They're also very rich and live in a mansion - remember that, it'll be important.
Snicket has a habit of using words and then explaining to us what they mean, so I'm just going to include his definitions in these blogs, starting with the word he uses to describe a cart the children like to use:
Rickety: here means "unsteady" or "likely to collapse"
We learn that the Baudelaire (that's their last name) children like to take the rickety cart to the beach when it's cloudy because there's no one else at the beach. It is on one of these cloudy beach days that we meet the children.
The oldest of the three is VIOLET. Violet is 14, right handed, and likes to invent things. We know when she is thinking of inventions because she ties her hair back with a ribbon.
The middle child is KLAUS. Klaus is 12, wears glasses, and is smart. Very smart. He reads a lot of books. Klaus loves to read books. Thanks to his book reading habit, he knows all kinds of obscure stuff that will no doubt come in handy later in the series, as will Violet's inventing.
The youngest child is SUNNY. Sunny is an infant the size of a boot. Sunny likes to bite, even though she only has 4 teeth. Due to being a baby, she doesn't speak much, and when she does, it's mainly gibberish. Here, she is saying "Gack", which Snicket informs us probably means "Look at that mysterious figure emerging from the fog!"
Sunny is screaming at this strange man for a good few minutes before Klaus notices, and it takes him tapping Violet on the shoulder for her to notice the repeated cries of her infant sister. Sunny is unusually smart for a baby, which I assume is why their parents let her easily distracted 14- and 12-year-old siblings take her to an empty beach full of sharp objects and water to drown in. Even so, it seems like almost criminal negligence of the part of the parents in this family.
Anywho, on the subject of this figure Sunny is crying about. We know it must be bad news because he is coming out of the fog, which never happens in good news situations. The children, having finally noticed their sister's screams, stand and watch the figure approach. We soon learn that Klaus and Violet actually aren't that smart. We are told the figure looks like an adult, and then the following conversation takes place:
"What do you think it is?" Violet asked.
"I don't know,"Klaus said... "But it seems to be moving right toward us"
Now, I know that there don't tend to be many people on the beach when it's rainy, but when it looks like an adult and is moving, it's probably an adult, as opposed to a sentient adult shaped rock or something. Violet considers throwing a rock at this strange figure, when it draws a it closer and they realize that it is their parents friend, Mr. Poe. They all remember Mr. Poe because he constantly has coughing fits. Everyone makes small talk for a little as the kids wonder what Mr. Poe is doing out of the Bank where he works. Finally, Mr. Poe breaks the awkwardness and tells them that their house burnt down and their parents are dead. Violet's response is ponder his calling them "my dears", while Klaus' is to regret not reading all the books in their library. Mr. Poe, seemingly thrown off by the lack of response tells them that when he said "your parents have perished in a terrible fire", the word 'perished' meant 'killed'. This annoys me, as perished really means died. You wouldn't say "your parent killed in a terrible fire" because suddenly, rather than tragic victims, the parents have become murderers, which is a totally different situation. Poe eventually tells the kids that When Violet comes of age she'll inherit their enormous fortune. Until then, Poe is in charge of it, as well as in charge of deciding where the kids will go. Everyone joins hands, including Sunny who can walk, apparently, and leave the beach.
Chapter 2
The kids are depressed, obviously, at losing their parents, house, and all their possessions. They sit around, barely getting out of bed, and not doing any of their special skills. Even Sunny bites sadly.
The kids are at the Poe's house, which they hate because they have to wear itchy, ugly clothes and the Poe children are brats. Also it smells weird.
We get a new vocab word when Snicket tells us that Mrs. Poe boils everything, unless it's Blanched: here means "boiled"
Mr. Poe informs everyone that he found a place for the Baudelaires to go, Yay! It's the home of their 3rd cousin four time removed, or their 4th cousin three times removed, and his name is COUNT OLAF.
We know that we don't like him because his name is evil sounding. What do we think when we think of a count?
It doesn't bring up good images.
Count Olaf is the only relative who lives in the city. He's a count and an actor. Since the only thing they seem to do is go to the beach on rainy days, and from memory the only time they go to school is in the 5th book, I don't see why they have to stay in the city. Poe tells us it's because it's convenient, but I really don't see how. Also, one would assume that they would want to leave the city as it would be bringing up memories of their now dead parents. But at any rate, the children go an pack their stuff to go, on they would if all their stuff hadn't been destroyed in the fire. In the morning, the Baudelaires get ready to leave. Briskly: here means "quickly so as to get the Baudelaires to leave the house" On their way, I become really curious about this town, because we are told that there is a street, Doldrum Drive, with both horse drawn carriages and motorcyles, and suddenly I don't want to read about the Baudelaires, I want to read a story about the people of doldrum drive, and the feud that I'm sure exists between the odd numbers who have motorcyles and the even numbers who had horses, and of course we can't ignore the daughter of number 1 Doldrum Drive, who was married off to the son of number 2, in an attempt made to bring a truce between the warring sides. I want to read about the mounting tension between the two sides of the street until it explodes into full blown fighting between the two after a biker child scares a horse and causes a rampage. I want to read about when the two sides have to put aside their differences and work together against the semitrailers of the next street over. But instead, I'm following the Baudelaires, who had arrived and Olaf's house. They get really excited when they see a charming house with flowers and a nice lady on the front steps. Everyone introduces themselves, including the kind lady named Justice Strauss. Klaus comments on the strangeness of the name Justice, but really, there are people named Hope, or Apple, or Petal Blossom Rainbow. It doesn't matter though, because Justice is just her title, because she works in Law. Then, the hopes of the Baudelaires for a nice life come crashing down when Justice tells them that Count Olaf lives next door, in the house that looks like it just walked out of a nightmare before christmas. Also, if that doesn't suck enough, there's a giant eye painted in the middle of the door. And now, we're treated to more Sunny-cabulary, which is what I'm calling Sunny's words, and will also be listing in these blogs. Oh!: What a terrible place! I don't want to live there at all!
Next thing we know, we're meeting our antagonist, Count Olaf. Olaf is very tall, very thin, very dirty, and has a monobrow. his house looks like it has never been cleaned, as do his clothes, which right now are a grey suit. Count Olaf gets upset upon discovering that the money the children inherited is not to be used, and looks like he might hit Poe. Clearly, this will not be a nice place to live.
Poe leaves and the children to with Olaf to see their room.
They also notice that Olaf doesn't wear socks with his shoes, and has an eye matching to one on the door tattooed onto his ankle, and the chapter ends.
Chapter 3
First impressions can often be wrong, says Snicket. Except this time, they aren't and Olaf is a horrible and disgusting person.
The bedroom is tiny and only has one uncomfortable, lumpy bed for all three of them. Sunny sleeps in a pile of curtains, and the other two take turns on the bed. The closet was an old box, and instead of toys there was a pile of rocks. Also, there was the eye again on the wall.
Count Olaf would go out all day and leave a list of chores for the children to do in the kitchen. The house had a turret because Olaf is a creep and the children were not allowed in.
The chores are mostly housework, until one day when it told them to cook dinner for ten. Since no one can cook, the children don't know what to do so they complain for a little. Violet tells us she thinks cleaning the chimney is interesting, which isn't important to the story but I thought i'd mention because it's weird. The complaining is annoying to read, but it's warranted so I'm putting up with it.
The kids decide to look for a cookbook. There aren't any. Then, there's a known on the door, which is confusing, since all the kids friends have fallen to the wayside: here meaning "had stopped calling, writing, and stopping by to see any of the Baudelaires, making them very lonely."
They answer the door and it's Justice! Yay! She apologises for not coming over sooner but she was very busy, being a Justice and all. Klaus wants to know all about it. She can't discuss it but it has something to do with poison and credit cards, which creates another story I want to read about. Yeeka!: Screams Sunny, meaning "How interesting!"
Justice invites the kids over to find a cookbook, and they love her house, especially Klaus 'cause she has a giant library. I wish I had a giant library.
She keeps her cookbooks on the 'east wall' which is very pretentious when she could just say left or right. Violet wants books about mechanical engineering because she likes inventing and Klaus wants books about wolves because why not? Book!: which means "Please don't forget to pick out a picture book for me!"
They find a recipe for spaghetti sauce and decide to make it, and the chapter ends.
